And the time has come…

And so, i abruptly ended last night’s post cause the bubs was crying for milk. Yes, he still does wake up at about 12midnight and thereafter 1-2 times before 7.30am. I can count the number of times he has slept through the night since birth… with one hand. 

I was in two minds the past 6 weeks, deciding whether or not to bring the bubs along to California. The heart said YES YES YES, the mind said NO NO NO. I polled singles, parents, males, females all to seek some assurance, input, thoughts about the decision I was about to make. 75% said NO. The rest said yes (all women, except 1 male whom I think was just playing mind games with me). 

So, yes, if you read the last post, you would know that I have listened to my brain and the majority, and decided against bringing the bubs even though I will be missing him like CRAZY. 

One of the reasons we opted for a long distance trip was because the hubbs insisted we not waste our miles. It was totally logical at the time we made the decision and totally illogical when I started thinking seriously about whether or not to bring the bubs. 

I also had to contemplate ‘weaning’ at the back of my head. Going away for 16 days meant that I would likely have to wean the bubs off breastfeeding, likely for good. Already my supply isn’t exactly that high, so I’m certain 16 days away from the bubs will either cut my supply totally, or bring it down to a trickle. I know some mothers have no issue pumping without latching but I’m not one of those. 

Honestly, I am quite reluctant to stop the breastfeeding relationship. Mothers who have successfully breastfed (latched and not just pumped) would know the bond is indescribable in words. What’s more, I realised about a week ago that I can recognise the signs of when the bub wants to nurse. He would come towards me and get into position by putting his legs on one side of my thigh and lying down on the other. Then he would wave his arms or try and lift my top indicating that he would like to nurse. Just thinking about it makes my heart cringe with guilt.

Having said that, I have endured a very painful start and lasted almost a year fully breastfeeding the bubs, which is 100% more than the 6 mths recommended by the WHO. So I’m trying to convince myself that I’ve done my part as a mother. ‘Trying’ being the key word here. 

Sigh. Going to bawl big time after leaving the bubs at my in laws the night before we fly.


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