These past two weeks have been unsettling. There was the impending feeling that we made the wrong financial decision and then eventually proven right that we indeed have. Perhaps everything in retrospect is a case of, “we should have…” or a “why didn’t we….”. Shoulda, woulda, coulda. I hate feeling this way, like I didn’t do my homework enough to make a more informed decision, feeling like I should have trusted my brains over my gut. I need to learn having some hesitation and having the courage to say no when I feel pressurised into a decision. It doesn’t help that I go into this extended period of beating myself up. It’s an unhealthy, energy-consuming and negative habit. I have to, in Elsa’s famous words, “Let it go,”
E turned 21 mths yesterday. And in probably less than 2 months, E’s version 2 would be here. Sometimes when I have a breather and I sit and think about how life has come thus far, I still feel this is all too surreal. It’s no longer about me, or me and A, but come 2 months time, it would be a family of four. How did that happen?
E’s vocab has of course grown. What’s new is that it is much clearer how he knows how to string words together so that you get a sense of what he wants. Like just this morning at 5am, he said in his cot, “mama. carry. bed”, indicating that he wanted me to go carry him out of his cot and onto our bed.
Funnily too he now knows “penis” and “naked” (amongst many other words of course). One of his flashcards show a brown bear with its paws crossed in front of him. E would point at the card and exclaim “brown bear!”, “penis!” and then “nakkid!”.
Children indeed learn by observing. Perhaps I have been getting him to do one too many wefies with me. He snatched my phone one morning in the car, held it at an arm’s length and smiled cheekily at it. It was way too cute.
Another of those aww-moments occurred just two nights ago. I had a sudden stomachache while putting him to bed and I said “E, sit down, mama having a stomachache.” He looked at me and then shouted out to his dad who was out in the hall, “Papa. Mama. Sto-ache. Help me.” Then when he had no reply, he wanted to climb off the bed to go to the door so that he could look for his dad.
Everyone says this is the time when kids are the most enjoyable. Indeed.