B:1YRS8.5MTHS; E:3YRS7.5MTHS

How has it been a full five months since the year began? I panic a little every time I think about how quickly time is just passing us by.

These past weeks have not been easy.

First I’m stuck in a rut at work.

Second, I am rather tired of this commute shit that we do every day during school days.

Third, I am still not getting anywhere with the hunt.

Fourth, I am really sick of the kids falling sick. AND E’s Shitty Behaviour. No, the two are not related.

Fifth, exactly “What Am I Doing With My Life?” Unknown.

That aside, B can now successfully string a few words together to express himself. Like saying “Why korkor drink” in the shower when I tell him not to drink the bath water. No, E’s not drinking the bath water, he was just gargling his mouth.

B is still a fussy eater. Unless he feeds himself (which is not often), he won’t eat any meat or veggie willingly. He’s only eating carbs.

He’s still such a sweet boy though. When he wakes up, he’ll roll over, come really close to my face, call “mama!” and then plant a kiss gently on my face/lips. He clearly knows the way to my heart. And then when you ask for a kiss, he’ll still happily give you one.

E. Well E, is at a challenging stage of toddlerhood? Let’s just say there are lots of tantrums. Doesn’t help that he gets his way at his granny’s. My folks keep saying he needs to be disciplined. I KNOW OKAY. Like is it so difficult to tell that I’m trying my best? These days I’m shouting at him half the time we spend together, which is honestly DRAINING. I’m so sick of it. He has WAY too much screen time in my opinion but what can I do when the grandparents allow it so that they have it easier at meal times?

Sometimes I feel like I’m doing such a bad bad job at this parenting thing.

There are times I feel like, Ok, I’ve had enough shit at work, maybe I should do some part time shit and spend quality time with the kids in their formative years. And then there’s times (like today) where I’m like Oh My Gosh, I Cannot Be A SAHM. I will most definitely drive myself, the kids and the husband Crazy. Then there are times I’m like Guys, I’m so sick of this terrible work culture where we can’t even get off work on time, can we migrate or something like that? Where is this company I can work for that will give me some work life balance and pay me decently well enough so that I can enjoy my life with my family? Is that really asking for too much?

And then, can’t Singers just be a little cooler (temperature wise) so that we will all be less frustrated with living here?

ARGHS. Save Me.

 

 

 

B 1yr4mths, E 3 yrs3mths

B is such an affectionate little boy. I think I speak for A too when I say we enjoy his enthusiasm when giving us a kiss or two. If he’s distracted, he would gently tilt his head towards you so your lips touch his cheek. But if he wants to give you a kiss, he’ll hold your cheeks in his hand and give you a wet loud kiss on one side, before proceeding to the other cheek to plant another kiss. I love it! kiss kiss kiss!

B can walk pretty steadily now. He can point to his shoes and say ‘walk walk’. His eating habits are however not as good as E’s though. He spits out all kinds of meat and only half willingly eats mee tai mak. No meat for this boy. He’s pretending to be a vegetarian I guess.

E is still the naughty cheeky imp that he is. He can be a handful and can be very headstrong. Takes a tremendous amount of patience from the two of us to deal with him.

He also can remember things very well. Like books, I’m pretty sure he’s not ‘reading’ but really just repeating what he has memorised. I guess children all have very good memory.

E: 3yrs old

Dear E,

Well, technically your birthday was over a month ago, but mama has had no time and energy to sit down and write you a note.

Sometimes, I still can’t believe you are 3. Where did time go, I ask myself? These days when you talk to me in complete sentences, I look at you and can hardly recall when it was that you were just babbling baby talk and picking up new words. When you ask that we race down the corridor, I try and recall how you looked like when you were learning to walk. I am thankful we have countless photos and videos of you but occasionally have a fear that they are not enough to document every precious moment. I’m afraid mama’s forgetful brain can only hold so many memories.

E, you are full of imagination. A box can be a doctor’s bag, a stick can be a wand. You love to sing and act. Like the other day we discovered a song called Miss Polly had a Dolly and together, we made up a little skit to go along with the song.

You’re still not quite accustomed to sharing mama with didi but yet you know he is yours to protect. No one can take didi home because ‘he belongs to home’. You shake your head and grab him tightly when anyone says they want to take him home. It is rare, but sometimes I catch you talking softly to didi, like the other day when he was wailing because he was in the playpen, and my heart just melted looking at the two of you. I hope you and didi will come to forge a strong sibling bond and be best friends for life.

We brought you on your first further-than-2hr-plane-ride trip to Melbourne earlier this month. Just us three – papa, you and mama. The truth is, the beginning and the end of the trip was rough with longer than usual commutes and airplane rides. You were cranky and it was hard to sleep on the plane. But there were moments to be savoured. The days we chomped on strawberry after strawberry, the numerous goats you patted and fed, the cow you brushed, the chickens you fed… While you would be happy to try most foods at least once, you would much prefer to have your noodles and soup. I’m not quite sure we are ready to take you on another trip in the near future but it was (mostly) memorable albeit tiring.

I still love those random “i love you mama” moments and they make it all worth it. I know these loud proclamations of love will not be as frequent as you grow older (sobs) but I hope these never cease. I love you darling, more than you will ever know.

 

Love xoxo

mama

 

 

E: 2 yrs 11mths; B: 1yr 2 weeks

Edit: This post is dated 25th Sept. Didn’t manage to publish it till the 27th.

When we signed up for parenthood, we signed up for a lifetime of worry. Worse when I’m a worrier by nature!

B had some salmon this evening and during which he choked/coughed. I questioned myself if he had swallowed a bone even though I had been pretty careful. The cough got worse as the evening progressed and I’m still worried that he might have really swallowed a bone or have one stuck in his throat. So when we came home, I made him eat some bread because apparently that’s what you’re supposed to do when you have a bone stuck. Yes, I was still paranoid and I still am!! I’m literally typing this right next to him. I’m watching him like a hawk while he’s fast asleep.

 

B: 1 year 3 days old!

Dear B,

Happy 1 year old! This past 1 year has really gone by in a flash. “The days are long but the years are short.” I can’t tell you how much this saying has resonated with me this past 365 days.

Papa and I agree that you’re such a different baby from your elder brother. You’re much calmer and easier to manage. We remember nights your elder bro kept us awake, crying and refusing to sleep. We remember fretting over his eczema that persistently stayed on his cheeks for a good 18 months. You, yes you still wake up in the middle of the night and demand for milk, but we hardly had to pace up and down the room to rock you to sleep. You don’t wake up crying like your bro who did for a good part when he was a baby. You wake up calmly, you sit yourself up and you look around quietly before calling for someone to come for you.

Eating and drinking wise, you’re also not like your bro! Big bro drank a fair amount of milk and made mama worry about her milk supply daily. You, on the other hand, don’t drink as much. You’re still drinking 120ml and only once a day! We introduced you to foods at six months, but you’re still taking your time to explore different things. It’s so difficult to feed you. Papa and I can count the number of times we’ve succeeded feeding you a decent amount of porridge. You would turn away or close your mouth so tight to indicate that you’re not interested. Or you would kick up a fuss and demand to be carried. Let’s just say your big brother had a much better appetite. I’m hoping you don’t continue to be this fussy with your foods my dear!

You’re a big explorer. You ask to be put down on the floor so that you can crawl everywhere on your own. Give you some toys and a big area to crawl and you’ll be most happily entertaining yourself for a good few minutes.

I’m sorry sometimes papa and mama have had to leave you wailing and crying while we attended to your brother. I’m sorry sometimes it feels like we don’t give you enough attention. But we do try. We really do. Sometimes I panick and turn to papa and say, “we need to take more pictures of B.” Time is going so quickly that I am worried I will forget how adorable you are at this age. Papa reassures me we have taken many of you.

Parenting 2 kids with no help is overwhelming on weekends. Sometimes I have to remind myself to let go of some things in order to maintain some sanity. But there are some moments that I insist papa continue doing no matter how tired we both are. We still try our best to take monthly shots of you. And like today, I wanted to take some photos of us so that we can remember this little milestone. One day, if and when you have your own kids, you’ll know how difficult it is to get just ONE good family photo. Your brother is in the i-don’t-enjoy-taking-photos phase in his life so today’s photos are just of papa, mama and you. Perfectly fine because you deserve a shoot all to yourself. I still think we don’t take enough pictures of us and we really should.

I love how niam you are to me. I love how you make me feel so loved. Sometimes I’m carrying you and you wouldn’t want anyone else. You would turn away when people outstretch their hands to carry you. At night, when papa is done bathing and comes over to your brother’s room to take you to the master bedroom to pat you to sleep (while I get your brother to sleep), you would drop everything you’re doing once the door opens and crawl as quickly as you can to me and cling on tightly. We realised you had gotten the hang of the routine! I love how your eyes twinkle when you see me at the door after I come back from work. It never fails to make me so happy to see you so smiley.

B, papa and mama love you to the moon and back. I hope you’ll always be healthy and happy. Hopefully one day you do get to read this and know how much joy you bring to our lives. You’ll always be our littlest baby.

Love
Mama

29 July // B (10.5mths) E (2yr 9mths 1wk)

“E! It’s snowing! Soooo Cooooold!” I said. E’s eyes lit up immediately, realising I was about to play make believe with him last night. I love it. That look of sheer joy and twinkle in the eye when he realises I’m going to play pretend with him is just such a treat. It’s really his absolute favourite activity, next to ‘cooking’ now.

Like many other children, E also likes to take my mobile phone to play. But half the time he’s more interested in reviewing the photos and videos on my phone. Otherwise, he has recently taken to watching “Tasty” on instagram – short 30-60second recipe videos. He would sometimes watch this strawberry banana yoghurt recipe video and say “I wanna make this tomorrow.” adorable (i’m biased).

This age is indeed wonderful. That sense of wonder, the shrieks of excitement, so authentic and so, so precious. The other day, I pulled out a mini Magnum and E just looked at me with a big big smile and hands clenched into waving little fists and said “ICE CREAM!”

Also, last Sunday, we sent E to the KKH A&E for the first time. He didn’t look too well, wasn’t eating well and more imptly his tummy was rising up and down and he looked like he might have had trouble breathing. Dr suspects it could be asthma but wouldn’t label it as such since it was the first time this happened.

Can’t believe it’s less than 2 mths to B’s birthday! I am completely unprepared and not sure if I / we wanna celebrate it with a (small) party. As I type this, he’s fast asleep on the bed with me and just when I stole a peek at his chubby cheeks, I caught him smiling in his sleep. B’s completely enamoured by E. Whatever E does, B wants to do or wld laugh / be tickled. E on the other hand is not so taken with his brother – always fighting and snatching things from B.

 

 

6 July // B (9.5 mths) E (2years 8mths 3wks)

It’s been way too long since I’ve updated here. But honestly it’s been pretty crazy at work and extremely tiring caring for two. 

B can now hold himself up quite steady by the sides of the playpen. He has also started to call papa/ mama(non specific) and also can do the bye bye hand action already. He’s quite niam to me. Sometimes he wouldn’t want A to carry him and would wail in protest. 

E is super chatty now. And sometimes he says the darnest things. Just last Sunday hr said to me after I went to change into going out clothes, “why you wear this forever?” 

There were a few times when A braked quite hard and be said to A, “Papa say sorry to mama. Say sorry to me. Say sorry to didi!”