E: 4 years 3mths // B: 2 years 4mths

I say this a lot but it is true. Time just rockets by when you have kids.

End of 2017, a new job came along.

End of 2017, I decided we just need to make it work. Aunt was nice enough to come by 2plus hours a week while the weekly helper came in to clean up the place and iron our clothes. It honestly is challenging without a helper.

E is less whiny now (fingers crossed) and I beam at how he is growing into his big brother role now. In school, he waits for his little bro to finish taking his temperature before holding his hand and leading him to the assembly room.

Today he told me that in school, at dismissal, he held on to his little brother’s hand even though his friend wanted to hold his hand “because didi is a baby”. So he rejected his friend for didi.

He is still very chatty. The other day at the dinner table at my mum’s, he went on and on saying his made-up story to SY. It was a funny/odd one made up of bosses (the ones in the Super Mario game cause he had just played it).

Two convos we had recently in the car –

*Raining outside.

Me: “E, let’s sing rain rain go away.
Rain Rain Go away… Come again another day…”

E: “But mama the rain won’t go away”

Me: “Why?”

E: “The rain can’t hear you. The rain has no ears.”

Another convo which totally just made me tear –

E: “Mama, I have an idea.
Why not some days you don’t go to work? And I don’t go to school.
We go for breakfast. Go somewhere nice. And then we go home and play a game you never played before?”

On that note, in mid Dec, he started asking me, “Mama, do you have to go to work?” with puppy eyes and a sad face. And now, he can ask me that 2-3times a week.

Ahh, E, knows the things to say and do.

B is fast growing up. He’s definitely like most second child’s, a huge fan of his older bro. B copies everything E does.

B’s also very very very sweet. He clings on to me like a koala at times. I’m totally enjoying it cause I never quite had that with E.

And he’s quite independent. He would have no issues playing on his own and entertaining himself. But it is hard to get him to sit down and to read him stories. He’s more interested in hands on play.

B’s STILL the fussy eater he was when he was a baby. So hard to get him to eat/try new foods. But if it’s chocolate or chips, he would happily eat them all.

I love it when B ask for permission to do something. He would put his hands together, smile very sweetly, cock his head to one side and say “pleaseeeee mama pleaseeee”.

He can be quite the drama-king with all the fake tears and tantrums though. If he can’t get his way, he would also be Mr Pouty. He would screw up his brows, fold his arms and pout big time. Haha, it is super funny!

Reminding myself – “To Be Present”. Although I must admit, work sucks so much energy out of me and I give myself so much pressure to perform. 2018 resolution – if it doesn’t matter in 5 years, then don’t spend more than 5 seconds on it.

Lastly, I leave you with a quote I saw on an ex-colleague’s instagram that resonated with me. “Always choose the kids. There are many opptys to choose work later.”

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B: 2 years 3.5mths

B just started school this week. No tears! Just like Mr Big Bro was when he first started school. Maybe because his bro was around during the orientation intro bit, hence he wasn’t scared.

Ah ok toodles. He just opened the door and tottered out to look for me…

B:1yr11.5mths (Coming to 2 now!)

Tonight, I came out of the master bedroom bawling, after putting B to sleep. Not sobbing, but bawling. I realised how rare it was for me to get to put B to bed properly. Usually, E wants me to sleep with him and B has gotten so used to a routine of having to trot over to the master bedroom with his papa. With E, I’m half the time barking “Sleep now” “Close your eyes” “Stop moving around”.

Tonight, E went to bed super early ‘coz he didn’t have a nap in the afternoon. So I got the opportunity to put B to bed. It made me realise how much I missed these just-before bedtime moments. It was still a little early and B was still a little active. I got to read him a book and he actually got to sit down in my lap to enjoy it. Versus on a regular day when E insists I read to him and B wanders off on his own around the room playing with some toy. And then he rolled around on the bed for a little while, at some points randomly cupping my face and pecking me on the lips multiple times. Just before he fell into slumber, he cozied right up to me and I could see his sweet little face up-close. How did he grow up so quickly. Two years old in about two weeks time and I feel like I haven’t spent enough time with him at all. Mom-guilt at its peak tonight.

B can now string words together to form sentences. Has gotten the hang of playing hide-and-seek. Knows how to express what he wants or doesn’t want (“No” “No way”). Puts up a good tussle if he wants sth from his bro. Mimics what E does. He’s still picky with his food though – we have a really hard time getting him to eat over the weekends. I’m still breastfeeding him but I suspect I will wean him off pretty soon with the upcoming gum graft putting me out of action for a couple of days.

 

 

B:1YRS8.5MTHS; E:3YRS7.5MTHS

How has it been a full five months since the year began? I panic a little every time I think about how quickly time is just passing us by.

These past weeks have not been easy.

First I’m stuck in a rut at work.

Second, I am rather tired of this commute shit that we do every day during school days.

Third, I am still not getting anywhere with the hunt.

Fourth, I am really sick of the kids falling sick. AND E’s Shitty Behaviour. No, the two are not related.

Fifth, exactly “What Am I Doing With My Life?” Unknown.

That aside, B can now successfully string a few words together to express himself. Like saying “Why korkor drink” in the shower when I tell him not to drink the bath water. No, E’s not drinking the bath water, he was just gargling his mouth.

B is still a fussy eater. Unless he feeds himself (which is not often), he won’t eat any meat or veggie willingly. He’s only eating carbs.

He’s still such a sweet boy though. When he wakes up, he’ll roll over, come really close to my face, call “mama!” and then plant a kiss gently on my face/lips. He clearly knows the way to my heart. And then when you ask for a kiss, he’ll still happily give you one.

E. Well E, is at a challenging stage of toddlerhood? Let’s just say there are lots of tantrums. Doesn’t help that he gets his way at his granny’s. My folks keep saying he needs to be disciplined. I KNOW OKAY. Like is it so difficult to tell that I’m trying my best? These days I’m shouting at him half the time we spend together, which is honestly DRAINING. I’m so sick of it. He has WAY too much screen time in my opinion but what can I do when the grandparents allow it so that they have it easier at meal times?

Sometimes I feel like I’m doing such a bad bad job at this parenting thing.

There are times I feel like, Ok, I’ve had enough shit at work, maybe I should do some part time shit and spend quality time with the kids in their formative years. And then there’s times (like today) where I’m like Oh My Gosh, I Cannot Be A SAHM. I will most definitely drive myself, the kids and the husband Crazy. Then there are times I’m like Guys, I’m so sick of this terrible work culture where we can’t even get off work on time, can we migrate or something like that? Where is this company I can work for that will give me some work life balance and pay me decently well enough so that I can enjoy my life with my family? Is that really asking for too much?

And then, can’t Singers just be a little cooler (temperature wise) so that we will all be less frustrated with living here?

ARGHS. Save Me.

 

 

 

B 1yr4mths, E 3 yrs3mths

B is such an affectionate little boy. I think I speak for A too when I say we enjoy his enthusiasm when giving us a kiss or two. If he’s distracted, he would gently tilt his head towards you so your lips touch his cheek. But if he wants to give you a kiss, he’ll hold your cheeks in his hand and give you a wet loud kiss on one side, before proceeding to the other cheek to plant another kiss. I love it! kiss kiss kiss!

B can walk pretty steadily now. He can point to his shoes and say ‘walk walk’. His eating habits are however not as good as E’s though. He spits out all kinds of meat and only half willingly eats mee tai mak. No meat for this boy. He’s pretending to be a vegetarian I guess.

E is still the naughty cheeky imp that he is. He can be a handful and can be very headstrong. Takes a tremendous amount of patience from the two of us to deal with him.

He also can remember things very well. Like books, I’m pretty sure he’s not ‘reading’ but really just repeating what he has memorised. I guess children all have very good memory.

E: 3yrs old

Dear E,

Well, technically your birthday was over a month ago, but mama has had no time and energy to sit down and write you a note.

Sometimes, I still can’t believe you are 3. Where did time go, I ask myself? These days when you talk to me in complete sentences, I look at you and can hardly recall when it was that you were just babbling baby talk and picking up new words. When you ask that we race down the corridor, I try and recall how you looked like when you were learning to walk. I am thankful we have countless photos and videos of you but occasionally have a fear that they are not enough to document every precious moment. I’m afraid mama’s forgetful brain can only hold so many memories.

E, you are full of imagination. A box can be a doctor’s bag, a stick can be a wand. You love to sing and act. Like the other day we discovered a song called Miss Polly had a Dolly and together, we made up a little skit to go along with the song.

You’re still not quite accustomed to sharing mama with didi but yet you know he is yours to protect. No one can take didi home because ‘he belongs to home’. You shake your head and grab him tightly when anyone says they want to take him home. It is rare, but sometimes I catch you talking softly to didi, like the other day when he was wailing because he was in the playpen, and my heart just melted looking at the two of you. I hope you and didi will come to forge a strong sibling bond and be best friends for life.

We brought you on your first further-than-2hr-plane-ride trip to Melbourne earlier this month. Just us three – papa, you and mama. The truth is, the beginning and the end of the trip was rough with longer than usual commutes and airplane rides. You were cranky and it was hard to sleep on the plane. But there were moments to be savoured. The days we chomped on strawberry after strawberry, the numerous goats you patted and fed, the cow you brushed, the chickens you fed… While you would be happy to try most foods at least once, you would much prefer to have your noodles and soup. I’m not quite sure we are ready to take you on another trip in the near future but it was (mostly) memorable albeit tiring.

I still love those random “i love you mama” moments and they make it all worth it. I know these loud proclamations of love will not be as frequent as you grow older (sobs) but I hope these never cease. I love you darling, more than you will ever know.

 

Love xoxo

mama

 

 

E: 2 yrs 11mths; B: 1yr 2 weeks

Edit: This post is dated 25th Sept. Didn’t manage to publish it till the 27th.

When we signed up for parenthood, we signed up for a lifetime of worry. Worse when I’m a worrier by nature!

B had some salmon this evening and during which he choked/coughed. I questioned myself if he had swallowed a bone even though I had been pretty careful. The cough got worse as the evening progressed and I’m still worried that he might have really swallowed a bone or have one stuck in his throat. So when we came home, I made him eat some bread because apparently that’s what you’re supposed to do when you have a bone stuck. Yes, I was still paranoid and I still am!! I’m literally typing this right next to him. I’m watching him like a hawk while he’s fast asleep.